June 19, 2009

I'm A Big Girl Now


This is totally humiliating to say, but this week I stayed at home all alone. By myself. With no one else around. And I survived.
You may be wondering why I have been tweeting about the rise in my word count. Well, that is because I have been coming home from work to an empty house. A BIG empty house. Seriously, this house is 3600 sf, WITH a 2000 sf basement, PLUS an 800 sf attic. HUGE! (and way overbuilt for the neighborhood, I'll have you know)

And no, the photo is not a picture of my house, but it is what I think it looks like in the dark. Yep. I have always had an irrational fear of staying home alone, without my husband. When he would go out of town for a week, I couldn't sleep because I heard all the creaks and moans in the house. I would jump out of bed, phone in hand, ready to dial 911 and check all the doors and windows. It was crazy. And that was even with my kids at home with me!!!!

But this week, I stayed home all by myself. True, I had the help of Benadryl each and every night. (that's the ingredient they put in Tylenol PM, by the way) Ahhh, I slept...though I must say my sinuses are sure drying up! lol

So tonight my husband and children are coming home. They have been away at camp. My husband teaches at this camp and my second son was a counselor this year. The two younger ones just went for fun and learning more about God and His kingdom.

I am ready for them to be home. While I loved the quiet around the house, which is great for word count, I find that I miss the steady hum of their existence within the walls of this big ole house. In some ways the silence is distracting.

So, I am a big girl now and can stay by myself. Thanks to all who offered to let me stay with you! I am so thankful to be victorious over this fear. God is good!

So what are some fears you have had to overcome, rational or not?


16 comments:

  1. Hi Sherrinda,

    When my hubby took the boys camping last weekend, I was glad to have the dog! I knew if there was the slightest irregular noise or anything unusual, the dog would let me know. She ALWAYS does (even when I don't want to hear about it!). Fear is such a great emotion--now the trick is to bottle up all of what you felt and try to use it in one of your scenes!

    Glad you got so much done this week with your word count! What a great feeling! You must be almost done with your WIP by now?

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  2. lol I can relate. WHen my husband when on his first mision trip to Haitti this year--I was alone here a week--had never been before that in this house. Not fun!

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  3. Jody!!! I keep preparing my husband for a dog. Little hints here and there...to get him used to the idea that one day I will have a dog. I think that would really help out in the fear department. ;) And yes...I am oh so close to finishing! I am almost finished with the next to last scene. I can just feel it! woohoo!

    Terri, I am sorry you can relate, but my goodness, it helps knowing that I am not the only scaredy cat!

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  4. Sherrinda: Way to go, girl! That is a huge victory! I am so happy for you, but also happy that your fam will be home soon.

    My story is so dramatic, I could probably write an article about it. But i'll shorten it here:

    When we were first married we saw a movie about a mental institution, and i developed an irrational fear that i would wind up in one. It haunted me at night for over a year; I was scared for even the sun to go down!

    One morning on the 700 club a lady was giving her testimony of how God had delivered her from mental illness, so I called the 800 number, and the man on the prayer line was so sweet and kind. He gave me a list of Bible verses to overcome fear, from Genesis to Revelation, and told me to read them aloud to the devil, telling him I was done with his stinky bondage. Then the man prayed with me, that God would set me free.

    After we hung up, i went through every one of those verses and read them aloud to satan, and guess what! God did it! He set me free!
    And I'm happy to say I am still free. God's word is powerful!
    Sorry to take so long. I don't think i've ever written this story down, but it needed to be told. Perhaps someone reading your blog needs to know that the same God that set me free can set them free, too.

    Love you,
    Jen

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  5. Oh Jeanette, thank you for sharing that wonderful testimony! I love to hear stories where God's power has delivered people from opression of any kind. You should blog about your deliverance sometime.

    When I go to sleep, I envision angels with flaming swords surrounding my house to ward off any evil and keep me safe. That has made me feel so secure. ;)

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  6. Sherrinda; You are welcome, my dear. Yes, I should blog about this, to encourage others of the power of the Word of God.
    Ooooh, angels with flaming swords, I love that! Thanks for the idea!
    Hey, it sound like an element in a novel! Know any fiction writers?
    Love you, Jen

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  7. I never like it when my hubby is away and I'm by myself. I hear every little noise. :(

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  8. YAY for being a big girl! My fears...I don't have any. I am a very brave person.

    Um... yea right. I have lots! Failure is probably at the top of the list.

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  9. Good for you! And it is nice to have the family back, isn't it?

    My fears? Well, I can actually kill a spider now. Not everytime, mind you, but I used to not even be able to stay in the same room as one!

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  10. Jennifer, I hate the noise when I am all alone. My heart races and I get all shaky. Bleh...hate it! :)

    Katie, you crack me up! Your a fearless wonder! lol Sometimes I have the fear of failure, like with writing. But I keep telling myself, I will never know if I can really do it unless I at least try. Writing a book is NOT being a failure whatsoever. What an accomplishment, right? RIGHT!

    Jill...oooo...arachnaphobia. I'm sure I didn't spell that right, but ugh...creepy crawlies. I can do spiders, but not big ones. I'm more afraid of roaches...those big ones like 2 inches long. (shiver)

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  11. i had to overcome the fear of childbirth...while carrying my baby! i was so scared of the afterbirth stories i had heard. (it's not like you hear the GOOD stuff.) but i overcame the fear...b/c i just didn't care when i saw her! (that, and the epidural helped...whoa, buddy!) :)

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  12. Jeannie, I always cringe when I hear women tell their horrow stories to expecting mothers! That is so not fair! For me, I LOVE childbirth. With an epidural, you get to enjoy the whole thing. I had a C-section with my first (fun? not so much) but the others were the normal way and were awesome!
    I'm glad you got through it. So are you ready for another yet? ;)

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  13. I'm with you, Sherrinda. I don't care to be alone at night, either. My dogs get antsy when just one of us is away, imagine if there was only one left? They'd have me scared to death with their own pacing.

    Glad your family has returned!

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  14. Good for you! I've had no problem being alone in my own studios or one-bedroom apartments in the past 25 years, but anytime I lived with roommates and knew they would be gone overnight, I'd leave the hall light on all night (why is that helpful?) or invite a friend to sleep over, or I'd just get out of there.

    Too bad my biggest phobia is of dogs, or I'd get one!

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  15. Eileen, I am so glad they are back too! I love the steady of hum life back in the house! Though I will say I got alot more writing done without the distractions of having to cook and clean!

    Mignon, how interesting that you are okay all on your own, but not when you had roommates! Wow! I have a fear of big dogs, but not little ones. I think I need a dog, actually. It might help me feel safer. Thanks for stopping by!

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  16. Hi Sherrinda -

    The best way to defeat a fear is to face it head on. I had a fear of driving, which really put a crimp in my life. I had to psych myself up to pick up my keys.

    As Jeanette said, the scriptures on fear helped me overcome. I pray each morning for protection over myself and my family and then move forward with my day. Now, I drive almost everywhere. (I'm still not overly fond of traveling in cities or driving long distances, although I recently drove to W. VA.)

    Blessings,
    Susan :)

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